About Eric_Tolladay

Writer with a bad retouching habit, Husband, Father, Personal attendant to two cats, Some guy you probably don't know. He/Him

Don’t mess with me

The other day I had a difference of opinion with a fondue pot. Actually its a Hersey’s S’Mores maker, but it’s just a tarted up sterno powered fondue tray. Instead of heating things like chocolate with the flame, you roast marshmallows. Otherwise its the same principle.

The tray is large and ceramic, with four little rubber feet stuck onto the bottom. Only one of those feet had decided he had stuck on long enough, and it was time to see the world without the burden of the rest of the tray. We had a few words about this, but the rubber foot was adament. So was I. Guess who won?

Its not smart to mess around with a man who has something like 20 different kinds of glue, and knows how to use them. No I didn’t go all thermo-nuclear on the rubber foot; I kept the epoxy back on the shelf. Instead I pulled out the foam safe CA glue I keep in the freezer, the thin kind. Most people do not know that CA glue (CA is short for Cyanoacrylate glue, commonly called super glue) comes in thick, medium, and thin. Thin CA is wonderful, but wickedly non viscous. Slippery as the devil, and twice as lively. It took me years of playing with the stuff to keep it off of my finger tips. I’ve learned to dab just a tiny bit, and then smear it around with a toothpick. If you do get it on your fingers (and it dries before you glue them together!) you can remove the glue with a bit of sandpaper, or an emery board, a trick I learned from my father-in-law.

Anyway, this darn foot was giving me troubles, and now it is not. Case closed.  S’Mores anyone?

Clean, Glorious Clean

The wife and I broke down our computer setup in the office, took everything out, and cleaned the desk area top to bottom. Man was there a lot of dust bunnies behind my monitors.

Now my computer has a new internal 250 Gb HD (to replace the one I had which had issues with SATA 1.5), a new external 1Tb backup drive, and a new external ( the old internal 1Tb, the one with SATA issues, now in a new SATA 3.0 enclosure) which will get used for something (I don’t know yet). We also switched from a regular wired router to an Apple AirPort Extreme Base Station, which sounds a lot cooler than it is. The APEBS is just a wired/wireless router, and was dead easy to install. We needed something because we also got a MacBook Pro so we could travel with all of our accounts, and so Trevor could also have a computer.

We have been rapidly becoming a three computer family, only we had two computers, and they were so close to each other they could only be comfortably used from one chair; effectively one at a time.  A recipe for familial strife if I’ve ever seen one. Now the two computers in the office are far enough apart that both Teri and I can get online, and Trevor can compute from anywhere in the house. Glorious! Three boxes, no waiting.

My eldest sister is wise enough to have her two computers in separate rooms in her house. Smart. Teri and I still share an office, a fact that cannot be fixed short of a massive increase in square footages (and boy do I have some awesomely cool plans for expanding our evil empire). However, until funding permits, we’re still stuck together. Now we can at least both be online, and not trip over each other.

The second office station still has some issues, boxes and such need to be moved so the second chair can get back in there, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now all I have to send out the Xmas cards. Oh yes, we do has a wonderful new design this year. Guaranteed to make any NRA member practically burst at the seems with pride. I’ll put it up on this site, but only after all the cards have gone out. Gotta give close friends and family a slight break. I’m sure you understand.

More Bad Poetry

I wrote this poem/song about the experience of living in LA. Anyone who has ever spent too much of their day looking at the line of stupid cars ahead of you, will know exactly what this means.

Thousands Millions Billions Trillions
(a song)

We all live in the same town;
the town of lit-up dreams.
We all drive the same car.
We all have the same job.
We all crowd the same roads
by the thousands, millions, billions, trillions.

We all live in the same town;
thirsting for the big time.
Lusting after the same car.
Looking for the same job.
Filling up the same roads
by the thousands, millions, billions, trillions.

We all look up,
look up to the top,
and stare that the chosen few.
We fight each other
tooth, claw, and nail
for the scraps left
off their table.
fighting to fill the same job
by the thousands, millions, billions, trillions.

We all live in the same town.
We all have the same dream.
To be unique we ride the same train.
To be different we all act the same.
We all scream our individuality is real
by the thousands, millions, billions, trillions.

-Erk
8/11/97
8:45 pm

Poetry from the past

As you read this:

Words will have flown from my finger tips,
scattered amongst the electronic,
tides and eddies of the web.
Twisting into terrible lives.
Their fierce energy hitting brain tissue,
with a powerful smack.
Huge verbs and nouns,
ripping and tearing.

Prophesying with a single voice;
Doom.
Doom.

Doom.

-Erk
9/23/95
10:00 am

Buffalo Hunt

There is a poem my mother used to read to us as a child by Charles Malam called Steam Shovel. The opening lines are:

The dinosaurs are not all dead.
I saw one raise its iron head
To watch me walking down the road
Beyond our house today. 

This morning, as I was loading up our car at the hotel we stayed at in Fresno, I was reminded of this poem. Across the parking lot from the hotel is a restaurant called Huckleberry’s.  It’s a nice enough place, we actually ate there this morning. The food is a bit heavy for my liking, but most people I know would enjoy it.

What I noticed while loading the car was the clientele waking into or out of the restaurant.  I saw something like 20 people either going in or out, and all of them were obese. Were talking 60-100 lbs overweight or more. Every one! It was like seeing the beginnings of an over-eaters anonymous meeting.

Mind you, I carry 15-20 on my belly I could do without, so I’m not claiming perfections here, nor do I have the spare time to be a gym rat anymore — but com’on people!  The fatty food you are eating is killing you! Really really slowly, but it is still killing you.

So what came to my mind was that us American’s were cursed by some AmerIndian Shaman, into becoming the buffalo we killed off many years ago. To paraphrase the poem, the buffalo are not all dead, I saw them walking to a shed…

Then I noticed all of the other restaurants in Fresno, and I have to say there are a lot of ones that serve red meat and potatoes, while I saw only one that looked like it sold “healthy” food. I’m telling you people, the ancient curse is starting to take hold. We are becoming buffalo.

On Mental Illness

It is very hard to describe what mental illness is like to someone who has not gone through it. It is a subtle change that takes place not in the world, but in your head. The changes it brings come slowly, and the mind is quick to mask most of these from the person, so that one generally does not notice it until it is manifest. Even the subtlety of the attack, and the way the brain works to co-op the victim, very much like a virus stricken computer suddenly working hard to help the erstwhile hacker, makes the process all the more unbelievable. You simply cannot imagine you are acting crazy right up until the moment you do. And then you can’t figure out how in the hell you got there.

It’s very much like waking up, and going about your day, only to find at the end, when you go to take a shit, that somehow in the course of your day you took off the white underwear you very carefully chose in the morning, and replaced them with a green pair you have never seen before, and then proceeded to put them on the outside of your pants. The worst thing is not realizing you just spent the last part of your day walking around the block, talking to your neighbors, eating at the local restaurant, all with green underwear on the outside of your pants. No the worst part is not knowing where you got the underwear from in the first place. Like there is some secret store you go to buy green underwear, but only when you are so crazy that you cannot remember.

I am lucky in that I have only a very mild form of depression. Pretty much the worse that happens to me is I suddenly find myself almost entirely rudderless, and with only the littlest bit of ego to manage most adult tasks. I can function, after a fashion, but I have very little initiative to do anything but go home, and crawl into bed. For instance, I can sit on a corner waiting for a bus, but I cannot raise my hand and waive down a taxi. The thought of doing something new, like riding in a taxi, is almost paralyzing, even though it would get me home sooner, and I had the cash in my hand. I can even realize that I am depressed, and need to get myself to a safe spot soon, before it gets worse (like all mental illnesses, it can get worse), but I cannot manage to do anything that is out of routine or unsafe. Mind you, the very next day I can wake up and take twenty taxis, without batting an eye, so the effect is not permanent. I’m lucky in that also know now pretty much when I’m depressed, and have a good handle on my limitations. I am also able to work when depressed because I have learned how to not shut down completely when there is work to do. It’s always in the denouement after late night work that is the hardest.

I can leave a client’s office, after a long day’s work, and walk out to the bus stop to wait for the bus, very much like I did last night, and then at some point while waiting for the bus, suddenly and completely shut down. I was planing on going to a restaurant to celebrate a friends birthday, and sometime after I got off my normal bus, and waited for a new one to take me to the restaurant, I lost it. I could not wait for the bus to come (it never did), and while pacing for it, I grew more and more agitated until I got to the point that I started having a very strong desire to yell at any car that passed, and it was all I could do not to scream at the the occasional pedestrian. Even I know, while in the grips of depression, that this is not normal. So I watched 20 taxis pass, all of them empty, and waited for my normal “safe” bus to come, and take me home. Almost 2 hours after I left the office I stumbled through my front door, and crawled into bed.

On the way into work this morning, I saw several taxis. All of them seemed perfectly safe. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to call a friend and apologize for missing his birthday. Fortunately for me, he is a good friend and will understand.

Portfolio Update

I’ve just recently updated my printed portfolio, and thought to do the same to my online one. There’s quite a few new pieces to look at, if you’re into that sort of thing, so have fun. I’m also thinking of adding a new section devoted to tips and techniques I’ve come across that might make it easier for others to retouch.

The Language of Art

This morning I talked with an Art Director about a piece of art she had done. She needed a little bit of advice in a few areas about photoshop usage (hence the conversation), and I was doing my best to help. The problem was our conversation was over the phone, which is a medium almost completely unsuited for talking about art.

You see I work as an artist (really an artisan) in a field full of artists. We, collectively, put together some pretty cool stuff at times, and it’s hecka fun. That is until we start talking about art. Then its rather boring.

Us artists types are visual people. We put things together so you can see them.  Think a picture and a thousand words. But when we talk about our art, it is done so in a very abstract way, and the conversation would be entirely meaningless if you could not see what we are talking about. If a part of an image needs to get brighter (as in closer to white) we might say, “make it hotter”, “brighter”, “whiter”, “open it up”, or even “more sunny”. All of these terms I have heard before, and they all roughly mean the same thing. Alas, when the topic gets more complex, then words tend to get confusing. That’s when we extend into metaphor. Make it like her face, or like that clock, or (referring to another poster) like Pearl Harbor.

Now if we were engineers, then we would have a very exact language, and could be extremely specific about what we want.  But artists don’t work like that. We’re not used to working with words, and if you listen to our conversations it shows. One of these days I’m going to record a conversation about a piece of art we’re working on, because out of that narrow context, the conversation has got to be somewhere between banal and silly.

So this morning, when I was talking to my friend, I had to really be careful about what I said. I could not see what she was seeing, and I could not show her what I meant visually, so we had to constantly double check our meaning by asking if we understood each other. She would say something, then I would repeat it, and then she would repeat it again. This happened over and over, but was necessary to ensure that our differing experiences about the art remained in sync. No doubt a linguist would have a term for this kind of verbal “fact checking”, which is retrospect is not all that different from the way a computer makes sure it has got all the pieces of a file correct, when you send something over a network.

I’m rather sensitive to this kind of communication because I do it a lot. I am constantly exposed to new Art Directors (new to working with me, that is, not necessarily new to the business)  and every time I work with one, I have to make sure what they say means the same thing as what I say. If we were engineers, for instance, then the language itself would be specific enough that it would not require much in the way of repetition. Some people use words in such a way as there really cannot be a second meaning to their sentences. Alas, with visual people, such specificity is tossed aside in exchange for speed. All one has to do it point to the artwork, and save those thousand words for something else, like what to order for lunch.

But such language usage goes beyond just the specific lingo of a given design shop, or Art Director.  Artists, I have noticed, tend to not use word play, or make jokes with puns, like others professionals I have worked with. Perhaps this is because they have set aside verbal acuity, in favor of visual acuity. If this is so, then they have made a good choice because most of the people I’ve had the pleasure of working with are damn good. With art, that is.